I have almost always arrived at Mumbai in the morning, getting less rush, hence i can get home by 6 and sleep a little. On 2nd i came back, slept, played a little on my phone, some games and was searching for all the rooted apps i can install. I was very proud that i had just rooted my phone. I waited for more than an year to root it. My inner geek would have done it the day i got it, but was not sure if the warranty will get void.
I started for my journey to office, talked to my wife and was waiting in the bus line, listening to music. The bus came it pushed for space to board the bus. Once inside something was not right, there was no music. I realized instantly that my phone was missing. It was a horrible feeling. The feeling that i had lost something was alien to me. I panicked, rushed back to the entrance, trying to get off, but the bus was in full motion. The conductor wouldn't listen to me, i was almost going to jump off the running bus.
But then it dawned, i had lost something which was very near to me. I had lost something which i had got so used to, that it was a part of my life. The phone was like an extension of my mind. Anything i wanted i could do it because of that tech in my hand. I could search for anything, book/buy stuff, record my ideas, communicate with my friends, keep up with news, read, play, draw, etc. It was an outlet of my imagination. Since i bought it, i don't remember a single day without it. Even my family knows how much i love it. There was an another emotion attached to it too. The phone had cost me 30 thousand bucks. It was more than my 2 months salary. It was a craving you have when you want something REAL bad. I had bought it with support from my wife. She didn't say no. She knew how much i wanted it and even chipped in. But it unsettled my accounts for 2 months. I had paid a very big price for buying the phone. Something i had decided i would never do again. But i was proud of what i had brought. This is a feeling that i hadn't got before
Being proud of something, is what you reallly want when you grow up. It can consume you. You are proud that you are a father, you are proud that your project was successful. Similarly you are proud that you are able to afford something which is very difficult to afford. This feeling of pride was what i had for all these months. But i never understood it. It always was in the back of my mind, but only understood it after i lost the phone.
This loss, was instant, and it hit me very hard. I couldn't think what i should do next. I sat there in the bus frustrated, feeling angry that i it was my carelessness due to which i had lost the phone. I should have been more careful. Maybe i should have put it in my bag. But loss is instant. You can never be prepared for it. And This got me thinking more.
What if i lose something very dear in the next instant. What if all my loved ones, whom without i cannot live, die the next instant. What will i do? If you can lose someone so instantly what's the meaning of taking any relation so deep that it hurts? Will i be able to cope with the loss?
So i sat in silence. For a long time. Sad from all my thoughts.
By evening the news had spread to all. And a wonderful thing happened. My Wife cried for me. My Brother told me he is buying me a new phone. My mom dad told me they would be paying my savings for a few months. But whatever the reason, everyone was caring for me. Even though i had lost only my phone.
Maybe losing the phone was worth enough to see how much everyone cares for you. Like i said before, sometimes you get used to something soo much that it feels a part of your life. And you tend to ignore it a bit. Relations are that thing. You get used to each and every relation, may it be to a person or an object, so much that it just becomes a word. It's only in these bad times when you really understand which has depth.
I should not have been proud of my achievement of buying the phone. I should be proud that i have such a Beautiful family. This is my family who cares for me soo much, they are going to help me out whatever it takes. I don't need the money, i now don't even need the phone. The phone can be replaced. BUT my family cannot.
So thanks to the incredible loss i suffered, for bringing me close to the people who are the real value of my life.
